So this is how it goes. A small group of mercenaries is recruited to rescue the kidnapped American ambassador and his aide (Kirsty Mitchell) being held hostage in a Balkan country whose president has just been assassinated by their captors in a military coup, instigated by someone called Cracovic (Antony Byrne) who is wanted as a war criminal and has a brutal second-in-command who wears an eye patch (Geoff Bell), making sure there is no chance of misunderstanding his characterisation. The other part of the mercenaries’ top-secret mission is to capture Cracovic and bring him back with them so he can face justice at the International Criminal Court.
The mercenaries are a mixture of Brits and Americans, led by ex-SAS man Andy Marlow (Robert Fucilla, of straight-to-DVD British gangster film The Big I Am). They don’t look big enough or strong to be mercenaries, but if you can believe podgy Vas Blackwood (Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) is a tough guy (albeit with a heart of gold), then you could be OK with this. On their way to Cracovic’s HQ, they interrupt a massacre of civilians and a lot of people get killed. Moving on to their destination, there’s a big shoot-out and a lot more people get killed. Then there’s much running through a forest without a map where four – or possibly five – different groups of people are trying to kill each other. Even more people get killed. People spray other people with machine-gun fire, grenades and missile launchers and it’s very, very noisy. For what seems like a very long time. At least an hour. Imagine your head inside a metal bucket that someone’s banging with a hammer. Eventually it comes to an end.
Mercenaries – not to be confused with The Mercenaries (1968), which apparently wasn’t that bad – is written and directed by Paris Leonti, his second film after Daylight Robbery. It stars, if that’s the right word, Billy Zane as Colonel Torida, who makes a brief appearance as the US officer in charge.
To be fair, I'm not the target audience for this film. If you’re of the more testosterone-heavy persuasion, there are a few quite exciting bits in a TV movie kind of way. So if this is the sort of film you like, then you’ll probably like it.
