This is not one of those times.
A word of warning: this article is absolutely personal, and in no way objective.I just can't be objective about a thing like this. Because someone, again, is trying to remake Suspiria.
David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express, Your Highness) has seemingly been trying to remake the film since 2008 (for the uninitiated, Dario Argento's Suspiria is one of the greatest horror films to emerge from the genre since the cinema was invented) and was thought to have failed. But apparently not, as he has admitted to Den of Geek:
"The film I'm trying to get going now is a remake of Suspiria, the Dario Argento movie. That'll be a lot of fun. I've written it with the sound designer, so we've really written it from a unique perspective. We've come at it not from a traditional narrative way, but from the perspective of sound. It's a fun experiment for me, to see how it works out."
That's interesting, because one of the defining things about the original was the sound, with the Goblin soundtrack and everything.
"Honestly, I've never watched the original outside of the VHS copy that I had, so I've never heard it. I was really excited by the colours and its artistic ambition, but I've never really been privy to hearing it with the intended sound design, because I watched it on a crappy sound system on VHS.
"So, is Argento involved in any way?"
Not really, other than giving his blessing to do it. He gave us the property to reimagine and take in a new direction, which is great."
This is fair enough, that Argento gave him his blessing. Other filmmakers approached with remakes have been less forgiving, but what disturbs me is that he apparently hasn't really seen it with a proper sound system, but he's coming from the perspective of sound. Suspiria is renowned for being a fever dream of a movie that relies heavily on a fantastic soundtrack, both with the score by Goblin, and also the amazing sound design.
My proposal to David Gordon Green: either grab the UK Suspiria Blu-Ray, or find one of the many genre filmmakers working today with an affection for the film, one of which will potentially have their own print. Failing that, ask Argento to send you one. Then, you can watch the film properly and listen to the harrowing soundscape that makes up the film.
Then, perhaps, you'll realise that it's best just being left alone.
P.S. Thanks for listening to my nutty rant. I just really love this movie and I think you're doing it an injustice.
The original interview can be found at Den of Geek and features much more discussion on his other movies, and less mental fan opinion.